Baby in the 6th squad office
by Sakanoue
Summary: So who IS the cutest baby in Soul Society? So many unanswered questions... Can Renji get a word in edgeways? What are Ichigo, Orihime and Ishida doing in the 6th squad office? And why DO you have a sock on your hand Taicho? All will be answered...


"Who's the most beautiful baby in Soul Society?" Byakuya asked, leaning over the cot with a happy gleam in his eye.

Lifting his hand, Byakuya perched the sock puppet he had made on the edge of the basket cot to encourage the baby's smile and giggle. " I believe the would be you," Byakuya deepened his voice to vary between him and the sock he had on his hand

Byakuya nodded emphatically at the baby, deciding that this was most rewarding, even if it was a little degrading. I mean, of course it was, he reasoned, he must lower himself to the baby's level.

Which is why you made a sock puppet. The slow Captain's drawl at the back of his mind kicked in. I didn't make it, I just put a sock on my hand! It required no previous assembly at all...

A dazed expression passed over his face. I just put a sock...on my hand. I have sock on my hand! Byakuya's expression changed to his "WTF" face as he yanked the sock from his hand and threw it across the room. In it's self, the action surprised Byakuya and he sighed in annoyance.

The baby it seemed was enjoying the inner turmoil caused by the offending sock. "Who does this baby belong to anyway?" the noble asked aloud.

The door creaked and Byakuya hastily flash stepped away from the cot to look innocent. " Why is there a baby in the sixth squad office?" Renji's familiar tone reached d Byakuya and he relaxed a little. " It's not yours then, Arbarai-kun?"

"No!" Renji scoffed, looking at his Taicho.

"Erm..." the Vice Captain blushed " Taicho, you've, erm.."

"Well spit it out Renji!"

"You've only got one sock on Taicho."

Byakuya bit back any signs of embarrassment, damn Renji! " Yes? And?" he asked steadily. It's my right to have only one sock on, he reassured himself. "Oh...nothing, nothing." Renji waved his hands frantically to dismiss the accusation. He panicked, it's finally happened. Byakuya has gone mad. I'm on my own in a room with a deranged Kuchiki Byakuya!

A sharp giggle came from the cot and both men tip toed forward apprehensively. "It's got red hair!" Renji exclaimed, straightening up again and scratching the back of his neck. The Captain continued to stare at the child icily.

From the mouths of babes, as they say, and this baby was no exception. "DADDY!" it burbled, arms outstretched to the raven haired man. "Kurosaki!" Byakuya muttered, quietly fuming. " Is this perhaps your bundle of joy?"

"Err. No. And if you are trying to get me to tell you that I've slept with your sister that ain't gonna work either." Ichigo stated from his casual position near the door.

"How long-" Renji started.

" That is far to much information, boy. If you have however, there is no need to explain the cons-"

"NI SAMA! Please!" Rukia looked very flustered " This is not appropriate!"

"When did you-?" Renji started, only to be interrupted again.

"Shush, Renji, we must think about this," Byakuya waved his hand, beginning to ponder the owner of the baby.

Rukia gasped in horror " Who else do we know with red hair?"

"Inoue?!?!" Ichigo realised.

"Hai, Kurosaki-kun?" Inoue asked innocently

"Hey! How did you-" Renji pointed at her in surprise, but was cut off by Rukia and Ichigo grilling their friend in unison. "With who ?"

"Erm..." Inoue blushed innocently, leaving Rukia to go and take another look at the baby.

"The baby!" her hand went to her mouth " It's pushing the bridge of it's nose! It's...It's ISHIDA'S baby!" Her hands frantically imitated the movement of pushing glasses up her nose.

Ishida gave a little 'humph' as he stepped mysteriously from the shadows, sliding his glasses up his nose so that his eyes were hidden by the light reflecting off his lenses. He just couldn't resist doing that. " She's very beautiful isn't she?"

"WAIT WAIT!" Renji yelled, pleased to be getting two words out.

"How did you all get into my office?" Byakuya cut in again. His tone was icy enough to bring perfect silence.

"Damn. How come I never get that when I speak? I've been trying to bloody ask that question for the last five minutes!" Renji fumed.

"Yeah!" Ichigo agreed, in a 'you go girl' tone, stepping forward to scowl at the Captain. " AND! How come you are only wearing one sock?"

"That's of no conse-"

"Actually, Nii-sama, it's a very good point." Rukia pointed out.

That was it. Right there was the limit of Kuchiki Byakuya's patience. "Ban Kai!" his zanpakuto appeared from it's sheath, about to drop from his hand...

Renji jumped forward heroically "Noooooooo!" he caught the blade before it disappeared completely. A joint sigh of "phew" echoed through the room.

"I apologise, Arbarai-kun," Byakuya sighed, returning Senbonzakura to it's sheath again. "I think I'm going to go and lie down."

The proud Captain walked towards the door. "Kurosaki, would you pass me my sock, it appears you are standing on it."

" Eww that's nasty!" Ichigo grumbled as he picked it up between forefinger and thumb. " Wait, Byakuya...why has it got a face drawn on it in ink?"

Ichigo should have foreseen the consequences of his sentence. Byakuya wielded his zanpakuto twice as fiercely when angry, it seemed. Shouts of " Gomenasai, gomenasai! GOMENASAI!" were heard across rooftops for miles around...


End file.
